


Future Fun

by iamee



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse)
Genre: Banter, Bottom Wade Wilson, Domestic Fluff, First Kiss, First Time, Hand Jobs, Humor, I Do, If You Wanna Call It That, M/M, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sexual Humor, nothing to see here Ryan, sex toys (cameo)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 09:45:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14913053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamee/pseuds/iamee
Summary: “You know, usually I’m kind of written as a submissive top but you’re welcome to stuff my plothole anytime.”





	Future Fun

**Author's Note:**

> Help, I've fallen into another trash can.

** Future Fun **

“I would tell you that I’m definitely going to murder you this time or maybe just find a way for you to never regrow your legs, but something tells me you’d like it.” 

Wade flopped down on the couch, one arm loosely pillowed underneath his head, the other hand plucking twigs off his shirt: “You know what they say – if you can’t beat it, just beat off to it. And you’re acting like you’ve never been kicked out of a zoo.”

“There aren’t any zoos where I—"

“Yes okay, I got it. Everyone got it. There is nothing in your shit version of the future that can be remotely seen as entertainment even by any stretch of the imagination. A stretch that would involve copious amount of lube and a _fuck_ ton of dedication and I bet where you’re from they don’t have KY either so it’s all back to a huge pain in the ass. Also, you’re welcome to all my efforts to get you out of the house, Nathan.”

Cable made a face that looked very much like his usual face. Which in effect was the face of someone seriously questioning some or all of their life choices (like saving Wade’s life) but also secretly really enjoying it (having saved Wade’s life). Real twisted, that guy, if you thought about it. Which Wade really, **really** enjoyed. Not that he was about to tell Cable that.

“I’m really, really enjoying this.” Wade said.

_Fuck._

_Who needs telepathy when you’ve got a big enough mouth._

“And what can I say,” he continued, throwing some of the next few twigs in Cable’s general direction, “it’s hard to threaten the kinky. Better to roll with it since you made sure to get yourself in the main cast for this gig.” he got more comfortable on the couch. “Next time I’ll just take you to a party where they play some Rhianna and then you can figure out the rest about the bees and the sticks yourself. Hey, is that how that stick ended up your ass? Fuck the future, am I right?”

Cable ignored him. That wasn’t even news anymore. Hell, it wasn’t even original. 

“Can't be worse than today.” Cable shrugged off the black jacket Wade had found and actually paid for at a thrift shop. Because he wasn’t going to run around town with an old dude wearing a cape like the world’s saddest DC Con. But there was some running around that had to be done that required the gifting of clothing and the making of spare keys and the such-ing. That was how bad Wade had it. BFF-wise. And majorly dick-wise but who was going to tell Cable that, huh? The boxes?

_What_ boxes?

**Ex** actly!

Typical. The only time Cable wasn’t ignoring him after all he’d take five minutes to answer. Having ongoing internal conflicts was such an overused plot device anyways: “That is a challenge, right? We can totally turn this into Five Times Cablepool Attempted to Have Fun and One Time They Reaaally Had Fun. I’m sure the author is crying as we speak because they didn’t think of that title first.”

Cable was staring at him from the doorway, all rude-like but Wade was getting used to it. Amongst other things. This whole living together arrangement had the unforeseen benefits of gradually desensitizing himself to all the Lip Balm Moments and the Occasionally Very Intense Eye Contact and The Rippling of Muscles Under Too Tight Shirts and also he wasn’t lying to himself on principle. Full homo but a resounding **No** on the catching the feels front.

“What the fuck are you on about again?”

Wade sat up to yank off his flip flops, tempted to throw those at Cable too just to probe for a reaction (hah, probe). It was way past underwear only time and he had already wasted so much of it on some guy who stashed herbal tea in his kitchen. Herbal. Tea.

“Isn’t that obvious?”

The following grunt and the dip of the couch when Cable sat down next to him, shoving his way underneath Wade’s legs might have sufficed as an answer but hey, when had Wade ever been known to shut up this easily? Please, this franchise would be way too dark without a hefty helping of witty banter. Heh, hefty helping went really well with probing.

“Okay sure, since you’re asking so sweetly and because I find your post nearly-being-arrested glow adorable imma spell it out for ya: I’m not giving up until you admit to having a good time.”

“I’m having a good time.” Cable deadpanned, patting Wade’s leg and making to get off the couch. “Goodnight.”

“Oh no no, you can’t you your way out of this.” Wade pushed a toe into Cable’s side until he sat his fine ass down again. “When you least expect it, you’ll be entertained as shit and I’ll make sure you never forget it.”

“Why does that sound like a threat?”

“I don’t know, maybe living with you has rubbed off on me. Not in the way everyone was hoping for, but I’ll take it. Or will I.” Wade winked at the camera.

“Who are you talking to?”

“You, mostly. And the audience but I gotta tell you, they’re getting pretty impatient with the lack of action going on here. I’m thinking about whipping out the sunscreen.”

Cable’s flesh-and-blood hand wrapped around his ankle. Nice. Then it squeezed. _Nice_. Wade could hear his own bones creaking. Bit less nice.  
But that growly voice sure was worth it.

“If this is your idea of a good time…”

“Of course not, give a guy a chance after you dumped all over his first, oh I don’t know, fivehundred ideas - Mother _fucker_ don’t go breaking my heart. And legs.” he wriggled a bit to get out of Cable’s grip without success. “Do you really want to hurt me?”

“Wade.”

“Fine, fine. We’re doing this right now. I’ll make you have fun and if it’s the last thing I do.”

“There’s a good chance it will be.” Cable said good-naturedly.

“I knew you couldn’t resist threatening me. And you were right. I liked it.”  
  
  
  


*

 

 

Spoiler alert, it started feeling like the last thing Wade would do real quick. Faster than punch got spiked on prom night.

“Twister? Jenga? Monopoly? Ohh let’s do cocaine!?” Wade counted the – all very decent, you’re welcome – options on his fingers, waving them in Cable’s face. None of them got any more reaction than scowling and huffing. On the plus side Cable had stopped going all torture instrument on his ankle and was merely rubbing it, which was by a cruel twist of fate somehow worse, so Wade droned on to drown out the giddiness bubbling inside him like molten baby bunnies. “Come on, Nate. Work with me here. I’m sure you do some stuff not just because it’s edgy or because there’s a senior citizen discount on it.”

Cable stopped rubbing his ankle but left his hand wrapped around it, thumb pressing gently into skin. Huh, the tingling sensation shooting up Wade’s spine was definitely new.

“I should have never told you my name.”

“I would have found out sooner or later. It’s my other super power. I keep telling you to watch my first movie. Plus, you talk in your sleep, baby.”

There was some VERY Intense Eye Contact coming Wade’s way, oh boy: “I say my own name in my sleep?”

“Doesn’t it make you wish I would?” Wade sat up excitedly, interrupting himself. “Bodyshots! I meant to say bodyshots. Let’s do them.”

Cable raised an eyebrow: “We’re not doing bodyshots.”

Wade didn’t even have to fake-pout: “Finally something you know and then you go ahead and be boring as fuck about it.”

Cable looked away at the muted TV: “Are you done?”

“Not even close. I’m only getting started, there’s plenty more where that came from and I’ll spray it all over you.” Wade licked his lips, eyes darting to his bedroom door. “Okay, new angle. What’s the future like regarding sex toys? I mean you called me one, so I can only imagine epic but what about other stuff? Because I guarantee you, strap-on time is quality time. Well, it will be for me, you might just get an inferiority complex and hip problems.”

It was silent for a moment, the blue tint of the TV reflecting on Cable’s arm. Wade felt like squirming away the hitches in his heartbeat and breathing. The hand on his skin wasn’t doing much to keep him grounded.

Finally, Cable broke the silence: “You want me to use a strap-on on you?”

“You can’t say ‘fun’ without ‘prostate stimulation’.”

Cable regarded him for a second, something liked fondness on his face. Or potentially murderous intent. It was hard to tell.

“Are you,” Cable asked slowly, “Actually a moron? And there is no F in prostate stimulation.”

“Jeez, you could have just said no.” Wade sighed dramatically and fell back into the couch. “But I guess F you.”

“Now that is an idea.”

It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about it. That. Doing that with _this_. Wade had eyes. And other body parts that felt much nicer when rubbed and not dry. 

“Seriously? It’s that easy to get in your pants? That can’t be right, I was telling you to get bent just this morning and you did no such thing. And when we were looking at the giraffes I told you to eat a cock and again, did not happen.”

Cable tugged on Wade’s ankle, effectively shutting him up for the second it took to pull Wade across the couch and over Cable’s lap. Wade blinked up at him: “Is it Christmas already?”

“You just never actually asked.”

What in the grumpy explanation was that supposed to mean?

“Alrighty then. Fuck me? I would say please but I’m saving that one for later.”

Cable leaned down and kissed him.

It took Wade about 0.69 seconds to surge up and kiss back, one hand buried in Nate’s hair, the other grabbing onto his shirt to keep him close. The angle wasn’t the best, what with all the bending and pulling and groping and oh who was he kidding, it was fucking great. 

There was something indescribably hot about alternating between being pushed back into the couch and against Cable’s legs and pulling himself up to deepen the kiss. Sure, it was getting a bit messy by the fifth time or so that he lost his balance and their mouths slid together open and wet and Cable made some noise that was just as much frustration as want, not like Wade needed to get any harder.

So, he scrambled up to properly slip on Cable’s lap, digging his nails into the backrest and arching to press back into the hands that had found their way on his ass.

“Fuck.” Cable said. “You’re beautiful.”

Wade made an undignified noise: “You really want to bring up your burn victim fetish right now? Talk about killing the mood.”

Instead of an answer, Cable kissed him again, hands kneading his ass and Wade lost his train of thought long enough to talk a series of words into Cable’s mouth that somehow came back to what they had witnessed the wild water buffalos doing earlier that day.

“What on earth is a Discovery Channel?” was mumbled against Wade’s lips before the hands pulled him closer, bumping their dicks together in a _very_ friendly manner. What an excellent idea. They could be dick buddies. Members of the same circle. The fellowship of the ring. Tolkien wrote such underrated porn.

“Wade.” Cable said his name again, somehow softer than the first time and this would just not fly.

Wade pulled back from the kissing (technically Frenching): “You had me at ‘hello’ even if you never so much said the word and went straight to murder attempts but it still worked, so can we hurry this show a bit up?”

Cable rolled his eyes but more importantly he tightened his grip on Wade to lift them both off the couch. Best. Use of future body parts. Ever. Then again Wade might be somewhat biased due to the prospect of being dicked down by future body parts. In the name of that goal he wrapped his arms around Nate’s neck, his legs around his waist and tried not to think too hard about how uncinematic the height difference made this look.

“Where do you want to take this, handsome?”

Wade should really try and remember that Cable was the actual worst.

“Preferably to second base at some point. You’re not getting any younger.”

Cable snorted.  
  
  
  


*

 

 

“This should do.”

“Pretty sure your line is: Please, Wade, don’t stop.”

They had made it over to the kitchen table where Wade had been dropped on his ass unceremoniously while both of them were still pulling and tugging at fabric and skin/metal/scars and the only thing Wade could be begged about regarding not stopping was whimpering and pouting when Cable’s clothes didn’t magically fall off. No magic in this universe. Was there any point to Disney at all?

“Shut up.” Cable pressed closer, close enough for Wade to not even think twice about spreading his legs. “And if you say ‘make me’ I’ll walk away.”

“Oh, you mean like you walked away when I was legit dying? Think I’ll take 200 for “Bullshit old guy racist says”.”

The next words Cable muttered were mostly mouthed somewhere into Wade’s neck, so he didn’t bother catching any of that and instead decided to shove a hand inside his own pants to at least get some sort of head(hah!)start.

It had been a while since someone had put their hands (or mouth, or… tongue… (?!)) on Wade and it was pretty possible that his synapses were busy firing on full auto with every swipe of that tongue, definitely tongue, god _fucking_ dammit.

“You know, usually I’m kind of written as a submissive top but you’re welcome to stuff my plothole anytime.”

“I’m not even going to pretend I know what you’re saying,” said Cable, slipping his hand inside Wade’s pants. It was getting a bit crowded in there if you caught the drift.

“You’re right, maybe in chapter twoo--oh do that again.”

Wade tilted his head to catch Cable’s lips, hips bucking up into both their grip. Nice. Firm, but not too firm, pressure in all the right places and appropriately the rest of his body was turning into goo while his dick could have probably been used to cut glass at this point. The only downside to all of this was that Wade had yet to check out how much airport security was gonna suck for Nate. 

“Jesus, Wade. Just get it out.”

“You’re so romantic.”

Cable groaned, doing something with his wrist that made Wade see cartoon-stars: “You’ve been pawing at my crotch for the last five minutes. Do you know how to use a zipper?”

Wade **did** know how to use a zipper. He also knew going straight for the balls was cheap but effective and guess what, he was right because about a second later he was flat on his back on the table, dicks sliding together, and his thighs were trapped in bunched up pants and boxers like this was some sort of amateur porn made for someone with a seriously messed up search history. Needless to say, Wade was into it.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuc—”

It felt sort of like a compliment that Cable didn’t tell him to shut up again and instead sped up the hand wrapped around both their dicks, actually trying to stretch up and kiss Wade again. Who had given this fucker permission to be so adorably short?

“Also, have I mentioned: fuck?”

Given the fact that his dick was currently being double-jacked with a dedication that could only stem from a build-up of about two months and 119 minutes, Wade was pretty proud he still managed to push up on his elbows and let Cable have that kiss. Huh, romantic after all. 

Totally worth the pleased sound Cable made deep in his throat ( _please_ let that be foreshadowing) and the front row view it got Wade. That was definitely a lot of pink skin and glistening drops and once you got over the crater landscape that lay beyond Wade’s pushed up shirt then it was really, fucking, toe-curlingly _hot_.

“You’re so good.” Cable said and just like that it was over.

Blame it on the build-up but the shock of pleasure rushing through Wade felt like it had snuck up on him and shot him in the back of his head which was incidentally also the part he slammed back on the table when he started coming all over Cable’s hand and dick. The continued squeezing and tugging, twitching of scorching hot skin against his own, accompanied by all the damn sounds that Cable had probably been holding back before really didn’t help with making it feel like he just couldn’t stop making a complete mess of his stomach. Wade knew from first-hand experience that he never let the ink sit in the pen for too long so what the shit?

On the bright side, it really seemed to get Cable going. And by going Wade meant there was some excellent O-face going on, not to mention a hitch in Cable’s breath that suspiciously sounded like Wade’s name. Someone didn’t get the No Catching Feels memo. After that it didn’t take that long for the combined mess on Wade’s stomach to start soaking into his shirt and did he mention yet this table was usually used for breakfast?

Cable let go of them to wipe his hand on his own pants. What a gentleman.

“Was this fun enough?”

Wade tilted his head to consider the question: “Your dick isn’t as freaky as I hoped but I’ll still leave you a good Yelp review.”

Predictable Cable rolled his eyes. But he also kissed Wade again, so that could and should be counted as an improvement.  
  
  
  
**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> **Cue the Credits**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Wade cleared his throat, shifting his weight from one leg to the other: “Okay so, we both know these things are hard – and not in the good way – so I’ll just do this as gentle-like as I can. We had a great time and I never want to miss a single thing about it, but there comes a moment when you just have to move on. Shh don’t say anything, I know you get it.” Wade waited for the (only slightly) charred strap-on to reply but predictable there was mostly silence. “I knew you’d get it. Also hey, what are the odds you guys share the same name, am I right? Someone is really going for the romance angle.” He gave the strap-on a last smile before he closed the drawer: “Hey, Nate, you want to go to Seaworld?”


End file.
